Ode to Corporate Genius

**Author's note: the following is based on an experience at the Columbia Rd. Bank of America cash machine last night. It did not happen to me, but a friend I was with. I can only assume it's not an isolated occurance, because it happened to the gentleman at the cash machine next to us as well.

Bank of America, how I love thee.
I give you my money, and you work hard to keep it safe.
You work hard to make sure that the money I give you is never taken out inapropriately.
Not by thiefs.
Not by swindlers.
Not even by me.
You are nice enough to give me a debit card.
You make sure I have the PIN.
But you are wise enough to know I shouldn't be spending my money.
So if I put the card you gave me in the machine at your bank,
you know enough to take it.
And keep it.
And not give me my money.

I'm happy you help keep the economy strong
by creating jobs that other companies would simply overlook.
Like the person who will answer the phone and look into my claim
that the machine you use, that ate my card, didn't really dispense the $20
I asked it for.

I'm glad you try to single-handedly change
U.S. consumer savings trends.
Because when I can't get my money
I can't spend it.
And that helps America.

For all these great contributions
Thank You
Bank of America.
If I ever become
a self-absorbed
penny-pinching
efficiency-seeking
people-grinding
profit-focused
corporate leech

You will be my model.